New Year, Same Love

This may be an unpopular opinion but, 2018 was one of my best years. I started out the year declaring goals and aspirations I actually stuck to. I lost about 20 pounds, I gained spiritual clarity I never had before, and my husband and I bought our first home. With all of that, I can honestly say, I was not one of the people who was eager to escape 2018 for a “fresh start”.

If I’m being honest, the past couple weeks leading up to 2019 have been hard. Typically at the end of the year, I would start preparing myself for the new year. I start out by asking for a word from God, I prepare for a 21 day fast, and I create a vision board for future goals for the following year.

But this year, I have done none of that. The past few weeks have been full of moving and work busyness. My morning devotions with God turned into sleeping in, my healthy meals turned into cheese pizza, and the clarity I once had turned into immersing myself into social media distraction.

My initial instinct was to feel really guilty. As a matter of fact, as I write this, I still feel slightly guilty that I haven’t been giving God or my body the attention/care that I once gave it. But about a week ago, God revealed something to me.

I sing on the worship team at my church. One particular Sunday morning, we were practicing for our first service. I was feeling the weight of this guilt more than ever. I questioned how I could get on stage and lead others into worship when I felt such a disconnect from God, I questioned how I could ruin all the work I have put into this year in a matter of a few weeks, and already felt I was going to start off 2019 on the wrong foot. I know… I’m a bit dramatic.

Regardless, I pushed through most of rehearsal until we started practicing our last song “Good Good Father”. At first I sang the song mindlessly but then we came to the chorus where is says; “You’re a good good father. It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are. And I’m loved by you. It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am”.

In that moment, God spoke to me. I closed my eyes and tears started to well up. God clearly revealed to me that he doesn’t love me because of accomplishments I’ve had or goals that I succeed at. God loves me because of who he is! A good good father. It put everything in perspective. I started to reflect on everything I did right at the beginning of the year and everything I felt I was doing “wrong” at the end of the year. He loved me just the same. As obvious as that sounds, It wasn’t so obvious in my heart.

As we venture into this new year, I feel this message is just as important. With the new year comes new year resolutions. We all experience the pressure of the saying “new year, new me” and we all feel that we have a greater expectation to be a better version of ourselves the next year. But, As we take on our resolutions remember that their will be days you will fail and there will be days where your resolutions become a distant memory. But, God’s love for you is unchanging. Walk in his love everyday, and a peace will overwhelm you even on your worst days. Realize that he doesn’t love you because you lost the weight, because you drank more water, or because you read your bible everyday. He loves you because of who HE is. And this love is UNCHANGING

I am challenging myself to remember this when I feel like a failure. I’m also challenging myself to start over on my goals and aspirations when I have a bad day knowing, his love will strengthen me to start fresh immediately. No longer do I have to wait on a new year or the following Monday. I pray that who ever is reading this takes on the same challenge too. I pray his unchanging love floods your heart and your mind.

“But God’s mercy is so abundant, and his love for us is so great, that while we were spiritually dead in our disobedience he brought us to life with Christ. It is by God’s grace that you have been saved.”

Ephesians‬ ‭2:4-5‬ ‭GNB‬‬