As I’ve been wiping the dirt off this blog, I found a blog draft I started but didn’t finish. At the time It was entitled ‘3 things I’ve learned in 3 years of marriage’. The idea came when my husband and I went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee to celebrate our 3 year anniversary. On our way up, I began to reflect on the many things I learned in the short amount of time. Unfortunately, It was never finished and today we have hit our 6 year wedding anniversary! That being said, I feel stirred to continue this post and highlight some of the most significant things I’ve learned in our 6 years of marriage. Trust me, I understand that my husband and I have a life time to go but, I hope this blog touches those who are in the same phase of marriage or getting ready to embark on the journey. Those who have been married for 15+ years, humor me!
Here are the most significant things I’ve learned in 6 years of marriage:
Communication, communication, communication!
I don’t think I can stress enough the importance of communication. What I’ve learned is that communication can sever arguments, assumptions, and heartache. Many times, the lack off communication occurs because we assume our significant other “should know”. They “should know” that my feelings were hurt, I shouldn’t have to tell them to contribute around the house more because they “should know”, or of course I appreciate and love my spouse I married them so they “should know”. No, that is not the case. I’ve had to learn that my husband and I are two different people who have become one. My expectations, my feelings, and my love for him should be communicated.
Wives, we have a tendency to blame our husbands for a lack of communication but we struggle with this just as much. How often do we stomp around the house grumbling under our breath wishing our husbands would assist with chores but never actually communicate that? I’ve been there. I will never forget one Saturday morning (prior to our daughter daughter being born) when God opened my eyes to this fact.
I was cleaning around the house and desperate for help while my husband was relaxing. My husband is a very hard worker and in his mind, it was the weekend, he had a long week at work, and he wanted to take a load off. In my mind, I assumed he didn’t care to help. I was grumbling around the house cleaning vigorously in hopes that he would jump in but no, that did not happen. I was beyond annoyed. In the midst of all of my angry thoughts, I felt a nudge from God to communicate my expectation to my husband. You would have thought I heard a foreign language. Me? Ask him for help?! No! He “should know”. I fought it but again God reminded me I needed to communicate and harboring anger would not help.
Apprehensively, I approached my husband and asked for his help. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen but once I asked, he happily agreed to assist. After that, all I could do was laugh. I wasted so much time being bitter while all that was needed was a simple ask. The devil hates marriage, he would love to use the breakdown of communication to cause strife and resentment. Please don’t allow it. Healthy communication is a tactic against the enemy and a tool to better your relationship.
Honoring my Husband
Ephesians 5:33 states; “But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband“. Honor means “To respect greatly; regard highly; esteem”. Even though God’s word highlights the importance of honoring my husband, It hasn’t been the easiest journey of getting there. A couple of years ago, I remember taking a Jimmy Evans marriage class. During one of his sermons he stated Wives value being loved my their Husbands and Husbands value feeling respected by their Wives. Thinking it was just another sermon talking point, I asked my husband if that was true. To my surprise he confidently agreed. I then proceeded to ask a hard question because I knew it would be a mirror reflecting some of my missteps. Apprehensively I asked “are there ways I haven’t made you feel honored or respected”? He said “yes”. He proceeded to tell me of times where I’ve invalidated his opinions publicly/privately and belittled him. While it wasn’t my intentions to do so, right then I could see the hurt I caused. From that moment on, I made a conscious effort be obedient to God’s word by honoring him and apologizing in times where I lack respect. Even though we might not always agree, I still want to be loving in the way I speak to him, let him know I value his opinion, and hold him with high regard.
My Husband is NOT God
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is my husband is NOT God. Only God is God. While I love our companionship I’ve had to realize that my husband cannot be a replacement for God in my life. It is only God who can fully satisfy me, it is only God who can bring everlasting joy, and it is only God who is flawless. In my first year of marriage I remember putting my husband on a pedestal, so much so that his attitude effected mine, I looked to him solely to make me happy, and I held him to unrealistic standards. Frankly, that is too much pressure for a flawed human being to carry. What I was doing was acting in idolatry. Idolatry is “the worship of someone or something other than God as though it were God”. And yes, that is a sin.
Have Fun together!
As the years pass by in marriage having fun together can get lost between raising kids, household chores, work, and the day to day. Over the years, my husband and I have been intentional about having fun together. Yes we do the bigger things like date nights or getaways but we also find fun in the day to day. There have been times where we turn on a song and dance in the middle of the living room, or moments where we make up silly handshakes, and crack inside jokes. Nightly, after our daughter is asleep, we watch our favorite show and simply find joy in that.
I love deep talks about marriage, family, career, finances etc. but every interaction between us doesn’t have to feel like a therapy session. I’ve learned that having fun together helps lighten the heavy mental load we carry and sets the atmosphere for vulnerability. Something about having fun together lightens burdens, breaks down walls, and reminds me not only do I love him but I like him!
I could go on and on about the many things I’ve learned in marriage and I’m sure the learning will never stop. Marriage is so much more than the wedding day itself. It truly is a mirror reflecting the strengths and weaknesses within ourselves. I look forward to the years ahead with my partner in life and the many lessons God will continue to teach us along the journey.
Happy 6 Year Wedding Anniversary to my Bub!
9 – 3 – 2016 ♥️
Jannetta Cox 