Happy New Year! It feels like it has been forever since I have written a new blog post but here I am excited to start writing again in the year of 2022. Since my last post, my life has changed ALOT. As a matter of fact, I have a huge life update. I am a mom! My daughter’s name is Noelle and she is now officially 11 months old. My sweet little girl adds so much excitement, adventure, and love into our life. She truly is the biggest blessing. As you can imagine because of that, 2021 was focused on navigating this life as a new mom. While it was filled with so many highs, it was also filled with several lows between postpartum, the pandemic, widespread sickness, and losing a close loved one. I was eager for 2022 to begin. I know a new year can’t change the hardships experienced last year but it does give the sense of a fresh start and boy do I need it!
If you’ve seen any of my past post, I always ask God for a word for the New Year and this year God gave a word so clear and so quick. My word for this year is ‘Resolve’. As I was laying on my bed asking God for a word, the word ‘Resolve’ so quickly rose in my spirit. I knew this word was from the Lord because it isn’t a word a would so easily resort to. Immediately, I looked into this word more deeply. Very clearly, I knew God was saying that this year- there would be a resolve when it comes to some of the issues I have been facing mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
Resolve means to “settle or find a solution to a problem, dispute or contentious matter”. It also means “to decide firmly on a course of action”. And for anyone who knows me or how my brain works having a resolve about me sadly, isn’t typical. For years I have waivered on almost everything, I have racked my brain with every possible scenario/solution, and I have stood still instead of moving forward. So as you can imagine, when God gave this word, my ears were perked in anticipation for what this new year would bring.
I know that having a ‘Resolve’ about me only comes from God and taking steps of faith myself. I know this means with the Lord’s leading, I have to make decisions on issues I have gone in circles with for years. One issue I have gone in circles with is my mental health (postpartum has only emphasized this). Since becoming a new mom, I have experienced so much joy/excitement but I have also experienced an extreme amount of anxiety. Anxiety has been an old friend of mine. I shouldn’t call her a friend but unfortunately, I have treated her as one. I have let her make her home in my heart/mind, I have allowed her to effect my relationships, and most recently she has started to effect me physical body. I no longer want her as a friend.
For years, I have allowed anxiety to come and go but haven’t truly done anything about it. Yes, I have gone to counseling but I can’t say I have fully found the right counselor and done the work that is needed to part ways with my old friend. So this year, I believe God is showing me that I don’t have to live like this anymore. The first step was a phone call I had to make. I phone call that was internally scary for me but might not have been for the typical individual.
My current therapist as been encouraging me to contact my doctor about what I have been experiencing especially after postpartum. Initially I felt it was unnecessary because I thought what I am experiencing isn’t “so bad” but in reality the things I have been experiencing, I shouldn’t have to go through! I think because I have allowed anxiety to make her home in me, what once did not feel right, I have normalized. I have let it go on for so long I have normalized and rejected real help. But not this year. With the help of my counselor, my eyes have been opened to what I have let slip under the rug.
That being said, I made the call. I am so blessed to have a loving Savior who I can rely on and counselors who I can talk these things out with but I also believe God has put doctors on this earth for a reason. I especially love my doctor’s office because they bring a Christian perspective into everything they do. There was always this fear in making the appointment because I didn’t believe I would know what to say or I would feel embarrassed with what I am going through. I also questioned if I would be putting a doctor in the place of God. Slowly but surely I realized I was not! God gave us doctors, counselors, and assortment of other tools and for that I am so grateful. So I am looking forward to this journey I am on! I am looking forward to drawing closer to God this year, continuing counseling, seeking support from my doctor and loved ones.
I truly believe this year I am going to have a resolve about myself. I’m looking forward to the testimony 2022 is going to bring. I am going look back and say “2022 was the year my life changed for the best”. I also pray each and everyone reading this can also gain a resolve about them this year. No longer do we have to go in circles with the same weights that have been bringing us down for so long but we can make a decision that this year is the year we resolve for better!
Jannetta Cox 